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My Aperant Life M for safty resons

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#1 My Aperant Life M for safty resons on 2012-01-02, 20:52

Trio
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I am writeing(and not publishing)a book but I need some advice on it...It will be comeing in chapters and I promis that each chapter will be done by the end of each weak if not sooner...please coment...

Prologue

I sat there looking out the ship window, wondering what I did to get into this mess. I guess it all started with a few dreams and then turned into something I could love. But I guess all things must come to an end...besides who wouldn't want to venture to other worlds and...wait, I guess I should start from the beginning...It all started on the day I was born...



Last edited by Trio on 2012-01-02, 21:16; edited 1 time in total

Sora
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I think it's great so far. you should make the beginning sound more exciting, making the reader want to read it. it has some details every nice . otherwise i want to hear more from you.

http://www.khsite.net/profile.forum?mode=viewprofile&u=13
Narora Senoku
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@Sora wrote:I think it's great so far. you should make the beginning sound more exciting, making the reader want to read it. it has some details every nice . otherwise i want to hear more from you.

I have to agree with Sora up there. Your Prologue is very nice, already better than average (on Fanfiction), but a little more something in the beginning to grab attention is never a bad thing.

Keep up the awesome work! ^^ I can't wait to read your Chapters! It sounds so interesting!

http://z13.invisionfree.com/Pokemon_Nacht/index.php?act=idx
Trio
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OH well thank you:D here is the next Chapter


Chapter 1:The Begining


I don't remember much when I was young but few things buged me then what with my mom trying to kill me and all. My earliest memories were of her and me fighting, she even tried to kill my dad along with me. I don't know why but maybe it had something to do with what I over heard them say. "WHY ARE WE CURSED WITH A SON LIKE HIM!?" I heard my mom ask my dad who simply replyed "It wasn't our choice...its not like we can controle what happens in our life. wheither he is from somewhere else or not he's still our son, and we can't controle what is going to happen to him when he grows up. he will be a hero though so don't forget that." Even thoguh my dad convinsed her that night it wasn't long before my mom took me and my two younger siblings away. it was hard for me seeing as I never wanted to leave my dad but even so I never forgot that night. by the time I knew it two years had passed I was in kindergarden plying the computer during nap-time, I never liked to sleep when I was young. all of a suden I see this bouton that said "CLICK HERE" so I did. next thing I know these images started passing through my mind, I saw what looked like spaceships going to strange and wonders worlds, I saw these demons that appered to be made of pure shadow and I saw a key that had a handle. I tried to touch the key but before I could I heard this voice in my head. "Your not ready Trio...you go now and you will die instently..." then with that I was back at the computer wondering what had just happend. Trio? I thought Who is that? then I looked at the screan. I turned to the teacher and asked "Ms. Teacher whats this?" she came to see it and gasped. I found out later that somehow I had gotten into the main offices computer from the one I was at. when They asked me what I did all I could say was "I don't know..."

Trio
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Chapter 2:Clueless


The next thing I rember well is that I was in first grade and wondering down the halls of my mothers colloge. I had no clue why she took me on a weakend I had other things to do. anyways I was walking along when I suddenly here this voice out of nowhere. I here foot steps and all of a suden these two colloge boy walk into me. "Wacth where your going!" I snaped, but they just kept walking. Well atleast I know I ain't halusinating I thought, then I heard it agian, the same voice and the same word over and over. "Help?" I asked my self "Who would need a first graders help?" I didn't arguee I just ran after the sound of the voice. I stoped in a hallway that the voice sounded clearest in. "Help...Help me..." the voice said agian, I walked slowly listening for the voice to be right in that hall. I hear it as loud as it could get, inside a locker, my MOMS locker to be prosice. I ask them "Who's there?" then the voice reply's "Trio...Trio...help me..." the same name as before Could it be the same person? I thought, but I didn't hesitate I ran up to the locker and stoped for a moment. the dial on the locker came apart and showed me a combination that I didn't know, then it went back together. I twisted the dial to the combination for the locker, "...two...five...seven...nine!" after I input the last four digets I opened the locker, just to see that no one was there. I heard the voice agian. "Good luck in your futer battles young Trio..." it said, I turned around and looked all over but didn't see anyone so I asked to the air "Who are you? what do you want from me? and Why the heck do you keep calling me TRIO?!?!" then I hear books fall, I look over to see my mom with her mouth wide open. "How did you open my locker?" she asked with discust in her voice. I knew I was going to get the beating of my life but all I could say was "...I...don't know" I new I was lieing but I couldn't controle what I said. Whats wrong with me? I asked myself.

Narora Senoku
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Hmm. Very good! I love the Kingdom Hearts reference. In a computer no less! I don't think I've seen that before. Nice work Trio.

(P.s: I hate being a grammar nazi, but, you do have a few mistakes in your chapter. But, even with them, the plot line and story makes up for them almost 100%. ^^)

http://z13.invisionfree.com/Pokemon_Nacht/index.php?act=idx
Trio
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yea well I don't have a Word prosesser so thats how its going to be...here is the next chapter...

Chapter3:Teleportation?

The next weird thing that happend was when I turned in a gang that I was a part of known as "The Bloodz Re:born". I admit I am someone that don't seem the type to join a gang but thats just who I was. anyways when the gang leader was fond of me considering that I was about 13 at the time. after I turned them in he wisperd in my ear. "This isn't over...just wait untill I go after Xion...you'll be the victum then not me..." after they took them away I was thinking about what he said, who is Xion? I asked myself. then I thoguht Is she the one who has been calling me Trio? the next thing I remember I was outside in the grass with my girl friend Lynette. I get up and look at the sky. Lynette gets up and asks me "Whats wrong honey?" I look at her and say "It-it's nothing...I was just wondering...what would it be like...if we actuly could go to other worlds like they do in Kingdom hearts?" I still remembered everything at that time. from the first time I saw the Kingdom Hearts game. I remember every game with the title, every character and I remember it is one of the things that me and my girlfriend both liked. "Now that I think about it...I do remember something that weirded me out Lynette..." just then I heard something in the shelter. "Whats that?" Lynette asked I got up and said "Lets find out..." we headed to the shelter and looked around for the sound. we couldn't see anything. just then this big ball of shadow passed us. we chased after it just to stop in front of a portal. the ball of shadow went into the portal and it started to suck us in me and Lynette tried to run but we got sucked into the portal. when we came to I was in the middle of a town with a big tower I scratched through my memorie and remembered, but it couldn't be...Could it? "Is this Twighlight Town?!"

Trio
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Chapter4:My memories?

I was walking in the dead of night to this castle looking school and it started to rain. I stoped in the middle of the rain thinking about my past. but all that came to me were images that weren't my thoughts. first came a discution between me and Sora. "...Yeah well...whatever..." I said in the memorie. "No! Not 'Whatever'!" said Sora. "You can always do whatever you put your mind to...even...if its change something in your past...always remember that...Trio..." after that, in the memorie, I got hugged by Sora. then more memories came to me. "Thats what I always liked about you..." said Kairi as she bandeged my wonds "...your always helping other...even if you get hurt from it." "I can't change your memories of the past..." Said Namine as she tried to stop me from makeing a big mastake "...But...I do know that only you can chage your futre." "Changeing who you are is just like learning magic..." said Aqua as We stood infront of the castle that she, Terra and Ventus lived in "...Just keep practiceing and eventuly you will get the hang of it." "so you can't change your memories of the past..." said Axel as we sat on the Twighlight Town claock tower "...that don't mean it can stop you in the presant...only you can hold yourself back." those last words raced through my mind over and over agian while I saw all of their smileing faces. that is until I remembered Rikus first words to him. "You always try to do the imposible and you wonder why you always end up dieing!!" he said as we stood in the secret spot on Destiny Islands. "Stop acting like such a Damn Kid!!" "You said you would protect me and my friends no mtter what and now Xion is dead!!" Said roxas who just got done beating Xion in their final fight. "What are you gona do about this?!?!" "Aqua nearly died trying to save your sorry ass!!" said ventus as we were standing in a room where Aqua was unconcios "And what do we have to show for it?! NOTHING?!" "Your only fooling yourself Trio!!!" said Terra "You think you can control the darkness inside you but you can't!! it will always consume you from the inside out!!! You shouldn't even be a keyblade wielder let alone a master like our master has made you!!" after what happend next I didn't find it hard to belive what Terra said. my next memorie started with my keyblade falling into the ground. then Xemnas turned around and looked at me. "I...won't give up...Xahenort..." I said. Xemnas shock his head. "You have proven to me...that you are nothing...and to me you willalways be a shame...WORTHLESS..." then as he walked away my anger grew grater then ever untill I finaly burst with Darkness. Then, evrything went black.

Trio
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Chapter5: Xion's Heart?

The next thing I know I am opening my eyes and I am in a dark bedroom on a bed with curtens. I look to my left and saw someone sitting at the head of the bed. I sit up and put my elbow on my knee. "Something wrong?" I said looking at the person who then turned to me and smiled. In that moment moon light shined through the window from behind the clouds. the face that showed from the shadows was one I would never forget, Xion. She smiled at me like I was just a stranger. "No. I'm fine..." Xion said as she stood up and walked to the window. her dress made of silk gleemed in the moonlight. her black clothing matched the mood of the night just perfect. she sighed then looked over at me and said "But...I have been wondering...why do I exist...if there is nothing...for me here..." At that moment I could not belive what I had just heard. I may not have shown it but it I felt like she was basicly comiting suicide by saying what she said. I got up and walked over to her, then I put my hand on her shoulder and said "Of corse theres something for you here...you exist for a reason..." she shook me off and looked me in the eye as she said "How do you know?! oyur not me and you never will be!!!" then she tried to run but I stoped her and held onto her arm. "I Know because I have been in your shoes!! I understand how you feel and what your feeling!!!" There was a long silance before I said "I am here for you Xion...you of all people now that..." she looked at the floor and asked "...do you realy mean that?" I noded my head "I always do and always will..." then as if knowing what to do she losened her pull and turned to look me in the eyes. "Then stay with me...always..." then she leaned up aginst me and pressed her lips on mine. before we knew it we were makeing love in the moonlight.

Trio
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Chapter6: Axel?!

I come back to my body in the cold rain on that abandoned road. I look down from the moon and look around. I heard something moveing in the trees. I wait and listen, looking with all my sences. Just then I here a something flying through the air and pull my Two-become-one from under my other arm and fliped it around to protect my back from what looked like one of Axels wepons. It landed in the wet ground and desintegrated instantly. "Well hello there...Trio..." I heard as I turned to see Axel walking up to me. "Axel?" I asked "...I thought you were dead...you know saveing Sora and all..." I griped my keyblade tightly waiting for an attack. "You realy do remember what happend...I am so flatered..." he said sommoning his wepons. I grabed my keyblade with both hands and lifted it into the air. when I pulled in the two opposet directions it transformed into two keyblades, Obliviein and Oathkeeper. I stood up strait and a veil of darkness started rapping around me. "I see..." said Axel "...not much of a talker were you..." he put his wepons out to his sides and he started to be raped in flame. "...lets get this over with then shall we?" At the sound of a lightning strike we attacked eachother and a flash apeared, everything went wihte. The next thing I know I am standing above a fadeing Axel as he looked at me bleeding from his wepons being stabed into his chest. "...I geuss...you win..." he said "But I warn you...don't make this mastake...its what he wants you to do!" he sounded sencere but I didn't care, I lifted both my keyblades and slamed them into what was left of his fadeing body.after that I walked up a hill untill Cross Acdemy was in my sight. I looked at the school with firey hatered in my eyes and said "I won't let you death be in vain...Xion..."

Trio
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Chapter7:Four on one.

I walked down that abandoned road even more, each step takeing me closer to the academy. Then I here something...or someone...in the trees agian I stop and waited, the cold rain beating on my face. I look behind me with out turning my head and saw Riku walk up to me in the corner of my eye. then to my right I saw Roxas stick his head out of the trees, the same with Ventas to my left. Then I here someones foot land in a puddle in front of me so I look to see who else but Terra standing in front of me, his eyes didn't look happy. "I told you the why I am here and yet you still get in my way?" I asked frustration in my voice "Some help you are...you should be thanking me for this..." just then they all pulled out their keyblades and readied for battle. I sighed, "...guess its gona be the hard way..." I just stood there in the middle of all four of them wiating for them to attack. With a strike of lightning Roxas and Ventas chaged at me, their keyblades ready to stab me in the gut, I just stood there untill the last minute then juped out of their way as they stabed eachother and fell to the ground. I stood up and put my hand out to Riku. "The darkness is mine to controle..." I said as Riku started to attack Terra through my controle. the first chance they gave me I stabed riku in the stomace with my keyblade and he fell dead. I looked at Terra and we went at it the next thing I know terra had me on the ground. he lifted his keyblade and attacked I blocked it with mine and he went flying. at last I walked over to him and picked up his keyblade. he tried to run but it was to late. I threw his keyblade into him with out remorse. "TRIO!" I heard and I turned to see Aqua standing there in the rain.

the next chapter: "Chapter8: Mercealess"

Trio
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Chapter8: Mercealess

"Don't try to stop me Aqua..." I said looking at Aqua in the cold, damp rain. "You of all people for the love of god don't try to stop me..." Aqua just stood there stareing at me with here content eyes. "Why?" she asked me "Why are you doing this?" "I have no choice..." I said "I am going to get rid of that...that THING once and for all..." "Trio...brother...you don't need to do this..." said Aqua holding her arms out to stop me from continueing. "Don't try to stop me Aqua!" I said getting My Oblivien and Oathkeeper out ready to fight. "This is hard enough as it is don't make it even Harder!" Aqua still didn't move. "I am trying to help you Brother..." she said "I don't want to see you get hurt emotionaly or physicly...Please don't do this!" "I have heard enough!!!" I said knocking her out of the way with Oblivien and walking on past, but she stoped me by shooting a ball of fire in front of me blocking my path."Don't do this Brother..." she said as I turned around with hatred in my eyes. I lifted my Oblivien and slashed leaveing a trail behind. Then I slahed with Oathkeeper and shards of the trail left by Oblivien shot at Aqua. Aqua shielded her face as the shards flew. The shards slashed her up bad, some even going through her. When the shards stoped flying she fell to the ground in pain, her heavy breaths indecating that she could no longer fight. But for some reson I still felt that even injuered she was a threat, so with my eyes as red as blood I walked over as my Keyblades disapered then I stoped infront of her and she looked up at me with a remorsed face. "Trio..." she said weakly. "Don't...don't do this..." but I didn't listen I just stared with hatered. Aqua wasn't giveing up on me "I will give you anything you want Trio just don't do this..." she said agian weaker then before, But my hatered just grew. Then before I knew it I was picking Aqua up by her neck and held her in the air gasping for what breaths she could last get and said "What I want...is for all of you traitoris scum...to DIE..."

next chapter: Chapter 9: Sora's Downfall

xion,
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Very good story so far, I'm liking every piece of it.

Balthier
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very creative hope to see more of this. :)

http://khsite.0forum.biz
Trio
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thanks, the next chapter is in progress as we speak.

Riku_Keyblade
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wonderful! keep up the good work! :D

Trio
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thanks for the encuragment everyone:D!!

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