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Advice, Help? I Don't Know.

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#1 Advice, Help? I Don't Know. on 2012-06-05, 15:27

So I'm kinda in love with my best friend's brother. And he feels the same way about me. But there's a five year difference, and my parents don't know anything at all. His parents do though, his mom's really chill with it, she's like a second mom to me, even said if I was seventeen, she'd be fine with it. She actually told me I needed to hurry up and be eighteen already so I could 'calm him down'. ^^' But uhm...I'm just trying to figure out 'is it really wrong'? I'm in a bit of a rut, and it keeps me from concentrating on schoolwork, talking, etc. I don't know...


#2 Re: Advice, Help? I Don't Know. on 2012-06-05, 16:34

L'arc en ciel
That's good that the guy's mom understands. I don't know how much you communicate with your mom/parents, but I actually do think you should tell her/them. You never know, she may feel similarly and want you to be 18 before anything happens ;/ age gaps usually are pretty troublesome to work with. Also, how does your best friend feel about it?

#3 Re: Advice, Help? I Don't Know. on 2012-06-05, 18:35

Age doesn't matter. But if you do decide to do this you must be prepared; god forbid he breaks your heart by cheating on you, leaving you, or even worse getting you pregnant because that's how older guys work. Especially the age range I'm imagining in this situation but if you believe you guys have a mutual love and keep it then by all means go ahead, but like I said be prepared. It's easy to fall in love but staying in love requires work.


#4 Re: Advice, Help? I Don't Know. on 2012-06-05, 18:55

It's easy to fall in love, but it requires a vast amount of trust and work from both sides, and sex is not the only thing that love includes. Judging by how you worded things, I'm assuming you're a minor. Honestly, I would say not to do anything sexual until you're 18, cause you know how peeps in America like to get child services involved >.> I'd say that for dating too, but however you two choose to express yourselves is up to you. Just remember to stay safe and think things through, and don't rush anything.

#5 Re: Advice, Help? I Don't Know. on 2012-06-05, 19:39

Oh wow, sorry to hear that. Just live life to the fullest and you'll get over it in no time. ;[

#6 Re: Advice, Help? I Don't Know. on 2012-06-05, 19:41

That's a pretty big age difference, in my opinion. However, feelings have already developed, so there's really nothing to be done about prevention.

How old are you, anyhow? Clearly 16 and under, and if he's got five years on you, that must be 20/21. Those points in life are very different. I can tell you right now, that unless you wait until you're 19 or 20, issues will arise with a relationship. I know you two probably get along pretty well, but once you get that kind of emotional connection that comes with really giving yourself in a relationship, what were once minor differences that could be brushed off will quickly become insanely annoying.

Primarily in the mental department. As he's got five years on you, he's smarter than you, he's more mature than you, and really, he's going to find a lot of problems a 15 year old girl has to be very petty. So when he's dealing with stuff like rent (possibly), getting gas in his car, going to college and working (now I'm just assuming), after a few months hearing you call Laura from History class a bitch for the seventh time is going to really grate him.

Now, I'm not saying he's the kind of person that would flip tables and yell and cuss anyone out or whatever, but the kinds of problems you're going to be dealing with now are not what he would consider real problems, and he may not have the mindset to properly deal. And advice and support could very easily become a one way street. Whereas he's gone through high school, he can help you out both socially and with class work. You have no idea what it's like to be in college, keep up with work, dealing with the level of stress that comes with a 20 year olds life.

I say this not to tell you not to pursue a relationship, but to just wait. Give it a few years for you to catch up mentally. I promise you, even if everyone agrees that you're mature for your age, or you'd be a good match, you won't. The mental and emotional levels of a 15 year old and a 20 year old are just too different. A 20 year old and a 25 year old, though, not so much. Just give it some time, at the very least waiting until your senior year of high school.

You liking a guy five years your senior is not wrong. Most marriages have an age gap of 3-5 years, anyhow. But given the ages of you and him, it just won't work for now. So stay friends. Talk to each other. You both know you want it, but if you really do want it, you'll make sure not to screw things up. So just be patient.

As for your parents, just tell them. They were your age once, I'm sure they can relate on some level, even if they flip out a bit at first. They'd calm down. First, though, figure out what you're going to do about him and you. Ultimately it's your decision, no one can tell you no, but I have always found that going to parents with an issue and having a game plan for it is best. It just makes it easier to have a conversation with them.

Hope I helped, sorry about the length lol.


#7 Re: Advice, Help? I Don't Know. on 2012-06-05, 19:49

Site Staff
I'm in strong agreement with the last two posts. I think just based on the words "kinda in love" says a great deal. This comes across as a phase and not really love but just a crush. While he may be into it, 5 years is a lot. You suggest that you're about the age of 16. 5 years is 1/3 of your life. You dating this guy and having a relationship is equivalent to you dating a 10 or 11 year old. Put yourself in his position. That's the difference in growth between you two. Yes, the difference in ages is progressively smaller the older you get but it's still at least like you dating a 12 year old. The levels of emotional growth and maturity, let alone life decisions, between your point in life and his are large. Ultimately it is up to you but I honestly don't think you should.

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